A Tongue and Cheak way of hacking a Micro ManaJerk aka the Black Hole Boss
As the name implies, here is a micromanager who adds their unique style of jerkiness to management. Also known as the Black Hole Boss, the Micro ManaJerk actually thinks that keeping their people in the dark and feeding them bullshit keeps them hungry for more, however, it only keeps them confused and feeling deflated. The Micro ManaJerk also thinks that by spilling too much critical information the team will take over, so they hoard information (like a galactic black 🅞 hole), vs. sharing necessary information so their people can do their jobs effectively. Their entire purpose is to be vague, effectively reversing gravity, where resources and information go in but not even one fucking molecule comes out.
Micro Manajerk’s are Quirky
Some Micro ManaJerk’s act like snooty, numb nut heads who think their poodle 🐩 pooh is odorless just because they have all their organic soup can label’s lined up in their kitchen cabinets at home. In the workplace, these managers are in your face, stalking your junk, 24/7 because they’re freaked that their boss is going to spot a mistake THEY missed. They’re like a confused squirrel darting back and forth unsure of which way to run. When mistakes start to build, they get the deer-in-the-headlights look and freeze in their tracks.
A Micro ManaJerk is a such a quirky management style because this unaware narcissist hasn’t a clue that they’re demotivating 😩 their people, making them weaker and painfully resentful. Team players are like, “Get outta my face, ass hat!” If a Micro ManaJerk would just give instructions and specific targets, and leave people alone, everything would be rainbows and butterflies. But noooooo…this boss type is neurotic, uptight, and anal, which leaves you feeling like they don’t trust you and like you’re a fucking, worthless chowderhead that can never do anything as well as them.
Micro Manajerk’s are Illusionists
A Micro ManaJerk has the audacity to think they’re better organized, more accurate, and way more practical than anyone else in the department which they think gives them the green light to tell you the proper way to hold a tissue while you blow your nose. These are some strange muthafuckas! You can spot these freaks easily because they say things like “I’m gonna need you to skip your break and go….” or “When you get done with that I’ve got a long list of projects that need your attention…so let’s speed it up.” or even “If you do it like this, it will go faster.” You can actually hear Team Members mumbling things like “Shove that micromanagement 💩 back up your ass!”
When you walk into a Micro ManaJerk’s office every piece of 🛋 furniture every 📁 folder and every 📎 paperclip is organized which gives the impression they have their shit together, however, it’s blatantly obvious that they’re more focused on keeping their office crap decluttered than they are on leading, developing and coaching their people.
Micro Manajerk’s are Insecure
Generally, a Micro ManaJerk’s underlying thinking is that you either do it the “right way” or “my way,” and if you don’t like it you can “piss-off” with the other disorganized zit-heads in the office. If they catch you altering procedure from 1,2,3,4,5 to 1,2,4,5,3, regardless of whether your way gets the job done right or not…expect a 20-minute 🔨 hammering 🔨 for not following procedures and protocols, that lasts exactly 20 minutes.
Ordinarily, when the Micro ManaJerk feels under the gun, they stop talking to everyone (except their boss of course), go to their office, close their door and go into a mental 🙏 coma to keep out all distractions. However, they’re actually just thinking up the next “be-all-end-all” report to demand from you that will fix this week’s shit-storm.
Since the Feng Shui-worshiping ManaJerk spends more time obsessing about every doom and gloom scenario (fear of losing 💸 money, fear of deadlines, fear of their boss, fear of fear), they do feel an incessant need to control. That said, it may seem like they’re all about having control, actually, they’re really just freaked out and scared most of the time because of all their self-fulfilling insecurities.
STRONG POINTS NOBODY WANTS TO ADMIT 💪
- Makes solid decisions
- Excellent follow through
- Holds their people accountable
- Depth of knowledge
- Practical and thorough
- Takes on complex challenges
PERCEIVED WEAKNESSES AND ACCUSED OF BEING 😧
- Resistant to change
- Penny pinchers
SIGNS A MICRO MANAJERK IS STRESSED OUT 😕
- They go away so they can concentrate
- They talk less because talking is a distraction
- They complain more about shit that’s not right especially when they don’t know how to fix it
- They have a hard time making decisions when they don’t have all the facts and that slows them down
- They fixate on mistakes
WHEN A MICRO MANAJERK IS REALLY STRESSED OUT…THEY HATE IT WHEN YOU 😾
- Are sloppy and lack attention to detail
- Are inconsistent
- Are disorganized
- Are overly emotional because they’re logical…emotions aren’t logical
- Leave out details or facts
WHEN A MICRO MANAJERK IS REALLY STRESSED OUT…THEY LOVE IT WHEN YOU 😅
- Make sense when you talk, don’t babble
- Use just the facts when communicating
- Use words like logic, structure and step-by-step (they love that shit)
- Ask specific, open-ended detailed questions about the details
- Ask them “What specifically are you concerned about?”
- Use them as a resource, they know a lot of shit so take advantage and they will feel more useful
- Ask them “what do you see is the exact solution?”
- When you ask them for advice you let them talk and keep digging for more info
- Say things like “I’m going to figure this out.” or “I’m going to make this right no matter what.” or “Sounds like you need some time to think.”
Your Desired Outcome
Even though it may not always be 💯% possible, ideally you want to get into a win-win situation with your Micro ManaJerk so that you get more of what you want out of the relationship (better pay, job satisfaction, recognition, growth opportunities, promotion, transfer, etc.) and they get what they need (job performance/achieving targets). That’s a best-case scenario. In many cases, however, the urgent need you may have right now is to just get them off your back. You’re gonna do that by asking the right questions, slowly letting them get to know you better, getting them to trust your work and by getting them to “get it” that you have their back.
Let’s get one thing straight if your Micro ManaJerk is driving you to drink, annoying the 💩 out of you, or gnawing at your nerves like a pit 🐶 bull. Just remember this…you’re not a victim to their behavior. Say it out loud with me…”I’m not a victim!” Good job! A victim is someone who’s a blamer. Blamer’s think that things just “happen” to them, like having a 💩 manager without owning it that you accepted the job, even though you may not have known your manager was a psycho at the time you accepted the position. 👹
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